


How Xenophilius Lovegood Saved Britain: A Harry Potter "Adventure" in Several Primary Sources

by Arpad_Hrunta



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, F/M, Humour, Memoranda, Newspaper Articles, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-20 22:41:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/590457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arpad_Hrunta/pseuds/Arpad_Hrunta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabrielle writes a letter to Harry. Changes occur. Xeno saves the country. Massively AU, contains numerous memos. One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Xenophilius Lovegood Saved Britain: A Harry Potter "Adventure" in Several Primary Sources

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Usual disclaimers apply. Expression: mine. Everything else: not so much.
> 
> All persons and organizations in this story are fictional, except for those who are not. The non-fictional people are being used fictionally for entertainment purposes only, and no attempt is being made to reflect on the characters of the actual persons involved.

_January 15, 1996_

_To: Harry Potter_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Dear Harry,_

_Hello! I hope you remember me. I remember you, of course – the Boy Who Saved Me. Fleur thinks I should practice my written English, so I write to you!_

_I hope you are doing well and having lots of fun at your school. It looked very dreary to me when I was there, but I hope you like it anyway._

_My school is fun. They do not give us wands yet, but it is only two years from now. I cannot wait!_

_I hope your write back._

_Your friend,_

_Gabrielle Delacour_

* * *

_January 27, 1996_

_To: Gabrielle Delacour_ _Beauxbatons Academy of Magic_ _Cagnes-sur-Mer, Alpes-Maritimes_ _France_

_Dear Gabrielle,_

_Thank you for your letter. Of course I remember you, and I hope you are enjoying school. It must be much warmer there than here at the tip of Scotland!_

_I am sad to say I am not having fun at school this year. We have a new professor who is very cruel, and the papers are saying that I am a liar because I tell people that Voldemort has returned. The Ministry of Magic wants me to stop, but I won't stop telling people the truth._

_The only thing getting me through this time is the loyalty of my friends. When I got your letter, it reminded me that I have more friends than I sometimes remember._

_I am sorry if I am bringing you down. You should be thinking of school and games and your friends and happy things, and please don't stop smiling._

_Your friend,_

_Harry_

* * *

**MEMORANDUM**

From: Hercule Delacour, Senior Sub-Deputy Minister, Department of International Relations, French Ministry of Magic

To: Jacques Caouette, Deputy Minister, Department of International Relations, French Ministry of Magic

Date: January 31, 1996

Re: Ministry of Magic, United Kingdom

The rumours out of Britain appear to be true. Their Ministry is indeed denying the return of Tom Riddle, the self-proclaimed Lord Voldemort, the primary antagonist of the British Magical Civil War of 1970-1981. My daughter Gabrielle has been in correspondence with Harry Potter, champion of the Triwizard Tournament of last year. As per my memorandum to you of June 16, 1995, Mr. Potter saved Gabrielle's life during the shockingly poorly-organized tournament, and witnessed the death of his fellow student Cedric Diggory, and the return of Riddle.

Mr. Potter has informed my daughter that there is a campaign in the press against him, denying that Riddle has returned. A perusal of the _Daily Prophet_ , the unofficial press organ of the British Ministry, confirms the half-year long campaign against him.

My family honour, and the debt of gratitude we owe to this young man who rescued my daughter with no thought of his own safety would compel me to raise this matter in any event. However, given the short-sightedness of the British Ministry in the recent Civil War, the continuing rumours out of Britain of collusion with the followers of Riddle, the general incompetence we have come to expect out of our British counterparts (which was shown again during the Triwizard Tournament), and the British Ministry's well-known dislike of nonmagicals and non-"pureblood" wizards in general, I fear raising this issue with our counterparts across the Channel would be futile.

Given the attitudes of the British Ministry, I find it likely that they have not informed the nonmagical government of any of this. It is my opinion that we owe Her Majesty's Government the courtesy of informing them about what their own Ministry likely has not, and that we likely have an obligation to under the _Entente Cordialle_ of 1904 and our longstanding alliance.

Perhaps Minister Gouin could inform the President of the Republic of this, and he could inform the British Prime Minister of these events.

* * *

**EYES ONLY**

February 7, 1996

From: Office of the Cabinet Secretary

To: Sir Alan Widdicombe, Head of the Special Matters Task Force

Please see the attached memo detailing the recent highly sensitive meeting between the Prime Minister, the French President, and the French Minister of Magic. The Prime Minister is attending at the Palace today to inform Her Majesty. _Case Morgana_ will likely be activated today, with an expected implementation date of Sunday, February 18, 1996.

* * *

_February 9, 1996_

_To: Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_From: Sir David FitzClarence_ _Private Secretary to Her Majesty for Special Matters_ _Buckingham Palace_

_Headmaster Dumbledore,_

_Please send Mr. Harry Potter of Gryffindor House to the attached coordinates on the Floo Network tomorrow morning at 11:00 GMT for a special audience with Her Majesty. Mr. Potter should be dressed appropriately in his school robes. He may bring his wand._

_I remind you that this communication is secret, and any breech of that secrecy would be a violation of the Official Secrets (Special Matters) Act, the Treason (Special Matters) Act, and the criminal provisions against alarming Her Majesty. This includes revelation of the matters in this letter to other staff at Hogwarts, to Minister Fudge, or to Mr. Potter himself, prior to the meeting. I trust this reminder is for academic purposes, only._

_Yours, etc._

* * *

From the private diary of Albus Dumbledore

_February 9, 1996_

Bugger.

* * *

Portion of Unofficial Transcript, meeting at Buckingham Palace, February 15, 1996, released under the _Official Secrets (Special Matters) Act_ on February 15, 2146

THE PRIME MINISTER: As you can see, Ma'am, we are set to go ahead with _Case Morgana_ at 1:00 a.m. on Sunday.

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN: Have there been any breaches of security?

PM: None that we know of, and I suspect there won't be. All the people involved are what the magicals call "Muggle-born" or "Half-blood", and most of them left the magical world in the last Magical Civil War.

HMTQ: For self-proclaimed superior beings, the wizards at 'The Ministry' can be awfully short-sighted, can't they?

PM: I suspect their prejudices blind them, Ma'am.

HMTQ: How do you expect our allies to react on Sunday to _Case Morgana_?

PM: Our nonmagical counterparts will be foursquare behind us, I suspect. We know the French will be, and I suspect the Americans will be as well. I know the Portuguese will likely try and imitate us, as would the Russians if Stalin hadn't killed all their magicals in the 'Thirties.

HMTQ: And the Commonwealth?

PM: Feelers to the Australians and New Zealanders are positive as we suspected, Ma'am. Oddly, we've got nothing but deflections from the Canadians. (PAUSE IN TRANSCRIPT) May I ask why Your Majesty is grinning?

HMTQ: Mr. Trudeau did a similar thing in 1970 to what we are about to do. It was quite successful. (PAUSE IN TRANSCRIPT) You forget, Mr. Major, that I've been on the throne long before you were Prime Minister, and God willing, will be long after you have retired. I mean no disrespect, of course.

PM: Of course, Ma'am. How much else do you know that your not telling me?

HMTQ: That, Mr. Major, you will never know. What did you think of your meeting with young Mr. Potter?

PM: I would be hard pressed to name a more credible and honest young man. The information he gave us confirms what we have from the French and our other sources. If I may ask Your Majesty, what did you think of his description of life in the wizarding world?

HMTQ: I think we should have done what we will do Sunday a long time ago. You have added the extra operation to _Case Morgana_ that I suggested?

PM: Indeed I have. I suspect Mr. Potter will be quite pleased come Monday morning.

HMTQ: I think he suspects what is happening. (PAUSE IN TRANSCRIPT) Don't worry, Prime Minister, I think we can trust Mr. Potter completely. On a related matter, do you know who we can trust to manage our interests after Sunday?

PM: My source came up with one name. Xenophilius Lovegood. Strange man, but by all accounts honest, hardworking, and has never worked in the Ministry of Magic or been tainted by them. His wife was killed in 1990 in a research accident. One daughter, a classmate of Mr. Potter. He's coming this afternoon.

HMTQ: Any negatives we should know about?

PM: He's a journalist. He runs a magazine called _The Quibbler_. On the one hand, it is the only magical publication to consistently oppose the Ministry, tell the truth about Lord Voldemort...

HMTQ: Do not call Mr. Riddle that. He has no patent of nobility that either I or this kingdom recognize.

PM: I apologize, Ma'am. The truth about Riddle. Mr. Lovegood's magazine is the only one to offer continuous support for Mr. Potter. On the other hand, other wizards say he believes in impossible creatures...

HMTQ: He's a wizard. He deals with unicorns and dragons. Isn't believing in impossible creatures a job requirement?

PM: That's what our people say. _The Quibbler_ is described as similar to the _Weekly World News_ , though.

HMTQ: That may present certain problems.

PM: Credibility and, ah, otherwise. But he appears to be the best candidate, and I think he will agree with our plans. He certainly has no love for the magical Establishment.

HMTQ: I imagine that my opposing any Establishment would surprise some people.

PM: Indeed, Ma'am. I took the opportunity to ask Mr. Potter about Mr. Lovegood. Young Potter has never met the man, but spoke well of his daughter, who he described as unconventional but highly intelligent, and said that it was his impression that her father was similar.

HTMQ: Well, that's what we're looking for. So Mr. Lovegood has your endorsement, and it sounds like he has Mr. Potter's endorsement.

PM: Yes, Ma'am.

HMTQ: And I know he has the endorsement of P'lod as well. (PAUSE IN TRANSCRIPT) I told you, Mr. Major, I've been around a very long time.

* * *

**PROCLAMATION**

MAGICAL MARTIAL LAW IS NOW IN EFFECT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

Curfew from 5:00 p.m. to 9:00 a.m. in the following communities, on penalty bill of attainder and consignment to Azkaban:

Diagon Alley Hogsmeade Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry Ministry of Magic

Dated in London, this Sunday, February 18, 1996

Signed:

Her Majesty the Queen J. Major, Prime Minister X. Lovegood, Acting Minister of Magic

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette: Britain's Official Magical Journal of Record since February 19, 1996_

February 19, 1996 edition

**MINISTRY OF MAGIC DISSOLVED**

In a nighttime operation by the newly-created Royal Special Matters Operations Corps (RSMOC), comprised largely of first-generation wizards ostracised by the former Ministry of Magic in the last 25 years, RSMOC agents seized control of the Ministry of Magic yesterday. The Ministry has been dissolved according to the terms of the _Security of the People (Special Matters) Act_ , proclaimed by Her Majesty's Government on February 18, 1996. The Wizengamot was also dissolved under the Magical Martial law proclaimed yesterday.

Assets of the former Ministry and Wizengamot were secured with minimal loss of life by the RSMOC...

**MINISTRY OF SPECIAL, MAGICAL AND PARANORMAL MATTERS CREATED**

**Subordinated and integrated into Her Majesty's (Nonmagical) Government**

**X. Lovegood appointed Minister**

Magazine owner Xenophilius ("Xeno") Lovegood was appointed Minister of Special, Magical and Paranormal Matters (hereinafter "SMPM") by Her Majesty yesterday morning, and assisted in direction of the seizure of the former Ministry of Magic by RSMOC agents...

**FORMER MINISTRY OF MAGIC EMPLOYEES SUSPENDED** _**EN MASSE** _

All employees of the former Ministry of Magic have been suspended indefinitely pending performance and security reviews, said newly appointed SMPM Minister Xenophilius Lovegood today. "There has been far too much coddling of racists, bigots, and the accomplices of the criminal Tom Riddle" (see pg. 2 _infra_ ), said the Minister. "We intend to weed these miscreants out, and provide new opportunities for those who have remained loyal to the ideals, both magical and nonmagical, of Britain and all the British people...

_**EMERGENCY POWER** _ _**S (SPECIAL MATTERS) ACT** _ **PROCLAIMED**

Until further notice, the _Emergency Powers (Special Matters) Act_ is in force. The Act, proclaimed yesterday, contains the following provisions...

**TITLES OF NOBILITY IN PRETENCE BANNED**

Falsely claimed noble titles have been banned by the MSMPM, under the newly proclaimed _Impersonation of Nobility Act_. Anyone claiming to use any noble or quasi-noble title that has not been granted legally by act of a Monarch of the United Kingdom, or her predecessor kingdoms, will be subject to civil penalties, including a fine of five thousand galleons for the first offence and seven thousand galleons for every subsequent offence. Examples of this include the falsely self-proclaimed "Lord" Lucius Malroy (see pg. 4 _infra_ )...

**RIDDLE** **ATTAINTED** _**IN ABSENTIA** _

Tom Marvolo Riddle, falsely called "Lord Voldemort", the so-called "Dark Lord", was attainted yesterday by a Bill of Attainder passed by an _in camera_ committee of Parliament, and given Royal Assent. Riddle, who remains at large, is guilty of murder, torture, high treason, spreading false news, alarming Her Majesty, unlawful drilling, bribery, influence peddling, and offences under the _Security of the People (Special Matters) Act_ , the _Treason (Special Matters) Act_ , the _European Code of Human Rights_ , and other acts.

Riddle is supported by a criminal gang who call themselves the "Death Eaters", but whom Minister Lovegood called a "lawless gang of petty thugs and murderers".

The danger posed by Riddle and his gang has been downplayed over the last year by the former Minister, currently awaiting trial (see pg. 3 _infra_ )...

**FUDGE, UMBRIDGE, MALFOY ARRESTED**

**Accused of Treason, dereliction of duty**

_**DAILY PROPHET** _ **CLOSED FOR SEDITION**

* * *

From _The Times_ , February 20, 1996

**NEW MINISTER APPOINTED, ENNOBLED**

Relative unknown Xenophilius ("Phil") Lovegood, 45, a Devonshire journalist and entrepreneur, has been appointed to the House of Lords by Her Majesty's Government. Now Lord Lovegood of Ottery St. Catchpole, he was also appointed to the Cabinet as Minister Without Portfolio. Political commentators are surprised that this relative unknown, who appears to be in the confidences of Prime Minister Major, was advanced so quickly...

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , February 20, 1996

**INTERNATIONAL REACTION**

International reaction to Sunday's action, known in by Her Majesty's Government as _Case Morgana_ , was swift. Warm congratulations were given by both the magical and nonmagical governments of France (see photo of Lord Lovegood and French Minister Gouin on pg. 3 _infra_ ), and from the United States, and our other NATO and Commonwealth allies. Canadian Minister of Arcane Affairs Claudette Sevigny merely smiled knowingly when asked at a press conference about _Case Morgana_...

**MALFOY, UMBRIDGE ATTAINTED**

Riddle henchmen Lucius Malfoy, formerly of the Ministry of Magic, was sent to Azkaban Prison yesterday by Bill of Attainder for treason, murder, torture, assault, and various other offences. Malfoy, an intimate of the former Minister Cornelius Fudge, had falsely claimed to have been under the _Imperius_ curse by Riddle during the Wizarding Civil War of 1970-1981, but retained allegiance to Riddle to this day. As per the Bill of Attainder, all his possessions and properties are forfeit and escheat to the Crown.

Also attainted was former Hogwarts High Inquisitor (see below) and Fudge intimate Dolores Umbridge, who was attainted for torture, attempted murder, assault, offences under the _Education (Special Matters) Act_ and other acts...

**DUMBLEDORE DISMISSED**

Albus Dumbledore, head of the former Wizengamot, has been dismissed from his post as Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Dumbledore has been under fire in recent years for a variety of concerns, mostly revolving around student safety, most notably during last year's Triwizard Tournament, which saw the death of Cedric Diggory, 17, an international incident regarding the near death of an eight-year-old French girl, and most notably the return of the attainted criminal Tom Riddle.

Also dismissed from their posts were Severus Snape, the Potions Master, and Defence Against the Dark Arts professor Dolores Umbridge (see pg 2 _supra_ ).

Newly appointed Headmistress Minerva McGonagall had no comment when asked about the dismissals.

* * *

From the _Little Whinging Advertiser_ , February 20, 1996

**LOCAL COUPLE ARRESTED FOR CHILD ABUSE**

Vernon and Petunia Dursley of Privet Drive were arrested early Sunday Morning in a midnight raid by agents of the Department of Children, Schools and Families, on charges of child abuse relating to their nephew. The nephew, 15, who cannot be named due to both the _Privacy Act_ and, unusually, the _Official Secrets Act_ , was subjected to repeated emotional abuse and withholding of the necessities of life. Their son, 15, who can also not be named due to the _Privacy Act_ , is currently in a foster home...

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , February 23, 1996.

**NEW TREATY WITH GOBLINS**

(see picture on pg. 3 _infra_ )

**FUDGE ATTAINTED**

Cornelius Fudge, the former Minister of Magic, has been send to Azkaban Prison by Bill of Attainder. Mr. Fudge has been found guilty of treason, accepting bribes, murder, attempted murder, and offenses against the _Food Safety Act_ and _European Meat Pie Regulations 1993_. He is also held responsible for the poor relations with goblins resident in the United Kingdom under the previous magical regime...

* * *

_February 26, 1996_

_To: Luna Lovegood_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Dear Moonbeam,_

_Thank you for your letter, my little treasure! I hope the disturbances of the last week have not affected you too much. I am glad you approve of the recent dismissals of your professors. Ms. Umbridge (or Prisoner D52663, as she is now called) will no longer terrorize you or your schoolmates._

_You will be happy to know that we at the MSMPM are doing sterling work to improve the plight of everyone, magical and nonmagical alike._

_I am glad you approve of our discouraging of the terms "Muggle" and "Muggle-born" in favour of "nonmagical" and "first-generation". My aim as Minister is to remove the sources of discord which have plagued us for so long, and I hope this is a step in the right direction._

_As Minister, I cannot continue to run_ The Quibbler _. I am therefore giving my shares to you, to be held in trust for you until you turn 17. I have to choose a trustee for you – I am thinking your friend Ginny's mother, who has always struck me as honest and fair._

_You don't have to call me "Lord Daddy", by the way, but that did bring a laugh to me when I read it. Even Her Majesty chuckled when I mentioned it at the Palace this weekend._

_I know I don't need to tell you this, but now that your Daddy is the Minister, you will have many people falsely trying to be your friend. I trust your judgement, but do need to remind you to only trust true friends, who supported you before my sudden rise._

_Speaking of which, I do need to meet with your chum Harry Potter. I have encountered information in the Department of Mysteries of the former Ministry of Magic which he will find very interesting. I can't tell you more than that, but perhaps you and he could visit me in London this weekend?_

_Also regarding your friends, you once mentioned that your friend Hermione Granger's parents are dentists. Can you give me their contact information? I have some biting (ha ha!) questions, and I need some people I can trust._

_To answer your other questions, I have found no evidence_ _ **that I can divulge**_ _in the offices of the former Ministry regardi_ _ng Snorkacks and Wrackspurts. However, when you visit I will show you an interesting file on Nargles which I have found._

_Enjoy your school days!_

_Love, Daddy._

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , February 29, 1996.

**AUROR OFFICE DISSOLVED**

**Aurors purged; dismissed Aurors may apply to join Royal Special Matters Operations Corps**

* * *

From the _British Dental Journal_ , March 1996

**TURNOVER IN BRITISH DENTAL ASSOCIATION**

**Head and Board of BDA dismissed**

**Pauline Granger, DDS, appointed Acting President** **of BDA**

* * *

MEMORANDUM

From: Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress

To: All Staff

Date: March 4, 1996

As of today's date, Harry Potter (Gryffindor 5) is being attached temporarily to the new Ministry of Special, Magical and Paranormal Matters for an indefinite period. Mr. Potter will continue to take lessons by correspondence, and Lord Lovegood, the new Minister, tells me that any private tutoring that can be provided would be very much appreciated by his office. Volunteers can contact Professor Lupin, the newly appointed head of Gryffindor House.

I would also like to take the time to welcome Professor Lupin back, as well as our old friend Professor Slughorn, who has assumed Professor Snape's position.

* * *

MEMORANDUM

From: Executive Committee of the Hogwarts Defence Association

To: All Members

Date: March 4, 1996

The newly constituted DA Executive Committee declares that the unofficial name heretofore used by the Defence Association, "Dumbledore's Army", will no longer be used due to recent revelations.

It further declares that in the ongoing absence of its President, Harry Potter, day-to-day operations of the DA will be overseen by Hermione Granger.

Instruction during DA meetings will henceforth be provided by Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor Remus Lupin and Charms Professor, and acclaimed duellist, Filius Flitwick.

Signed,

H. Potter, President

H. Granger, General Secretary

N. Longbottom, L. Lovegood, G. Weasley, R. Weasley, ExComm Members

* * *

From the _Magical_ _Gazette_ , March 12, 1996

**SIRIUS BLACK EXONNERATED**

**Riddle Henchman Peter Pettigrew was True Culprit**

Lord Lovegood today announced the total acquittal of Sirius Black, accused murder and escapee from Azbakan. Appearing in front of cameras with Mr. Black today, Lord Lovegood apologized to Mr. Black for the campaign of harassment against Mr. Black by the former Ministry of Magic...

* * *

From _Witch Weekly,_ March 18, 1996

**HOBGOBLINS ANNOUNCE REUNION TOUR**

* * *

_March 20, 1996_

_To: Lord Xenophilius Lovegood of Ottery St. Catchpole_ _Minister of Special, Magical and Paranormal Matters_ _Whitehall, London_ _United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland_

_From: Magnus Knutsson_ _Minister of Magic and Arcana_ _Stockholm, Kingdom of Sweden_

_Dear Lord Lovegood,_

_It was with great enthusiasm that I read your letter of March 4. I hope you find the shipment brought by my assistant Althea Branting to meet your needs. There are far more available if you need them._

_I must say I was surprised by your requests. I apologize for the following, but I have found your predecessors remarkably closed-minded about areas outside their narrow field of competence. I hope this bodes well for a great spirit of cooperation between our two ministries on many matters._

_On a personal note, if you ever wish to see what Ms. Branting is bringing in their natural habitat, I would be happy to escort you. I would welcome you bringing your family as well._

_With warm felicitations,_

_Magnus Knutsson_

* * *

From the _Magical Ga_ _zette_ , April 3, 1996

**RIDDLE MINIONS GIVEN DEMENTORS' KISS**

All minions of attainted criminal Tom Riddle incarcerated in Azkaban were given the dementors' kiss yesterday, including former Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge. Riddle, still at large, is expected to retaliate against an innocent target, likely nonmagical. Agents of the Royal Special Matters Operations Corps remain on high alert.

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , April 4, 1996

**MARTIAL LAW REPEALED**

_**Emergency Powers (Special Matters) Act** _ **R** **emains in Force**

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , April 12, 1996

**MAGICAL LEGISLATIVE COUNCIL CREATED**

Her Majesty's Government today announced the magical peoples of the United Kingdom will henceforth be represented in the Magical Legislative Council, an appointed advisory body which will assume the legislative functions of the late Wizengamot with respect to solely magical matters. The powers of the Magical Legislative Council are set out in the new proclaimed _Representation of the People (Sp_ _ecial Matters) Act 1996_.

Members of the Magical Legislative Council (MMLCs) will be appointed by Her Majesty on the advice of the Privy Council, and will serve for life unless removed by virtue of treason or denaturalization. MMLCs will be appointed to represent nonhuman magical races of the United Kingdom as well.

Lord Lovegood stated to the press that people concerned about the lack of elected members of the MLC would do well to remember that they are represented in the nonmagical House of Commons, and stated that if magical Britons had forgotten this fact over the years was their own fault as much as that of the late Ministry of Magic...

**MEMBERS APPOINTED**

...

Arthur Weasley, currently of the MSMPM Nonmagical Affairs Department

...

Dobby, currently working at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, representing Elven interests

...

Griphook, of Gringotts Bank of London, representing Goblin interests

...

* * *

_April 16, 1996_

_From: Harry Potter_ _c/o Ministry of Special, Magical and Paranormal Matters_ _Whitehall, London_

_To: Hermione Granger_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Dear Hermione,_

_Luna was right. About_ _**everything** _ _._

_Harry_

* * *

_April 30, 1996_

_To: Sirius Black_ _12 Grimmauld Place_ _London_

_Dear Sirius,_

_I hope the_ _tour is going well, and you aren't taking_ _**too** _ _much advantage of the groupies!_

_This letter is subject to censorship under the Emergency Powers (Special Matters) Act, so if there's white space, you know why._

_I'm doing well. I'm at the MSMPM training facil_ _ity at_ [REDACTED] _. Mad-Eye sends his best. Training here is really tough, but I'm learning a lot. More than I ever had before. I love Dumbledore like a grandfather still, but I now realize he was a somewhat doddering one whose best days were behind him_ _. If he had remained in charge, I would not be learning nearly as much as I am now. Or I would be dead due to Dolores Bloody Umbridge._

_I'm also doing lots of studying for my O.W.L.s when I can. Remus tutors me regularly, and I see Professor Flitwick regularly as well. I have also been tutored by Snape's replacement, Professor Slughorn, who I understand taught you as well. Sluggie's a bit much sometimes, but he seems a decent chap, and embodies a lot of the best qualities of Slytherin. Too bad we didn't see those qualities under Snape's tenure. There may be hope for Hogwarts yet!_

_Between the studying and the training, I don't have much contact with my friends. The only one I see regularly is Luna, who drops by with her father the Minister frequently. We've become quite close. She's very nice. In a lot of ways._

_Her father is interesting. I'm curious what you thought of Mr. Lovegood (I can't think of a friend's dad as Lord Anything!). I see where Luna gets a lot of her personality – Mr. Lovegood is odd, but brilliant. His outside-the-box thinking is highly praised both by the RSMOC agents I've met, including Mad-Eye (they call themselves the "Are-smocks") and the nonmagical Defence Ministry people I've met._

_You would not believe how they're_ _planning on taking Riddle down. I can't say_ _**anything** _ _to you about it, but it will be awesome, once it gets organized._

_We're not allowed to call him "You-Know-Who", or "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" around here anymore, by the way. Or "Voldemort". Or "The Dark Lord". Although "Tommy Boy" is popular. I'm trying to get people to call him "Lord Dingus", but it's not taking._

_I'm not going to be allowed in the Are-smocks until I'm seventeen, but they do need me, if what the Minister told me is true, and I think it is._

_Keep on Marauding!_

_Harry_

* * *

_July 12, 1996_

_To: Editor of_ The Quibbler

_As a longtime reader of your magazine, I note with dismay the lack of articles on arcanocrytpozoological fauna in recent months. While I appreciate the greater emphasis on current events, I must protest the loss of the articles that drew me to_ The Quibbler _in the first place. With respect, give us our Snorkacks!_

_Mrs. R. S. Swanson,_

_York_

* * *

_November 30, 1996_

_To: Ron Weasley_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Dear Ron,_

_Training is done! I'm back at Hogwarts starting in January. It's been a long year, and I'm looking forward to getting stomped by you at Wizard's Chess again, and getting nagged about my bad study habits by Hermione. And being able to spend more time with Luna..._

_Hope things are good. I hope you've been treating Hermione right._

_Harry_

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , December 11, 1996

**RIDDLE MINIONS KILLED IN DARING ACTION BY RSMOC**

Seven minions of self-proclaimed 'Dark Lord' Tom Riddle were killed today in a pitched battle today in Truro, Cornwall. Four more were injured but escaped. Two agents of the RSMOC were seriously wounded as well.

Among the dead Riddle minions was Belatrix Lestrange, sister-in-law of Lucius Malfoy...

* * *

_December 12, 1996_

_To: Luna Lovegood_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Dear Luna,_

_I'm o.k. I wasn't among the wounded. I'll tell you all the details over Christmas._

_Battle focuses the mind. I was focused on the fight, and I was focused on you. I don't want to left anything unsaid anymore._

_I love you more than anything. I can't wait to see you again._

_Love, Harry_

* * *

From: Lord Voldemort

To: All Death Eaters

Re: Revenge

Date: December 12, 1996

We all mourn Bellatrix. A truer servant I could not imagine. We mourn our other dead as well.

We will return this injury tenfold upon the 'Minister' and his thralls. We are planning a Yuletide attack on the Minister's home, as we have reliable information that his blood traitor child will be alone at home on December 23, when Lovegood is at a conference in Canada.

Among the half-blood scum involved in the death of Bellatrix was Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Will-Die. Killing Lovegood's spawn will pay him back as well, from what I hear.

Make it bloody.

* * *

Partial Transcript of _The News at Nine_ , Wizarding Wireless Network, December 23, 1996.

GERALD THOMPSON: Good evening. Here is the news.

Minions of terrorist Tom Riddle, the self-proclaimed 'Dark Lord', launched a surprise attack in Ottery St. Catchpole on the home of Lord Lovegood today. Nine of his 'Death Eaters' attacked shortly after noon. They were held off by the wards around the Lovegood home over half an hour while Lord Lovegood's daughter Luna, 15, and fellow Hogwarts student and 'Boy-Who-Lived' Harry Potter, 16 took down five of the Riddle minions. Eventually, neighbours of the Lovegoods, Fred, George (both 18), Ron, 16, and Ginevra Weasley, 15, along with family friend Hermione Granger, 17, joined the battle and the seven young heroes finished off the remaining Riddle thugs.

We spoke with Mr. Potter after the incident.

HARRY POTTER: You never get used to this kind of thing. I've faced Riddle and his thugs before, but this was worse. Fortunately my friends and I have been well-trained, both at Hogwarts and in my case with special training through the MSMPM. We couldn't have done this without all of us.

GT: Agents of the Royal Special Matters Operations Corps arrived on scene shortly thereafter, followed by Lord Lovegood, who portkeyed in from the Commonwealth Magical Ministers Conference in Winnipeg, Canada as soon as he was informed of the attack. He declared that Riddle's terrorism would be stopped, and praised the 'teen heroes' who took down the attackers. He gave special praise to Mr. Potter, who sources say has been seen with Miss Lovegood on several social occasions.

The Weasley children are the children of Mr. Arthur Weasley, MMLC, and Mrs. Molly Weasley, current publisher of _The Quibbler_ , Lord Lovegood's former magazine, held in trust by Mrs. Weasley for Ms. Lovegood. Ms. Granger is the daughter of Dr. Pauline Granger, President of the British Dental Association.

* * *

From the _New Daily Pro_ _phet,_ January 2, 1997

_THE BOY-WHO-LOVED!_

_Special to the New Daily Prophet by Rita Skeeter_

_Several sources in the aftermath of the horrific attack on Lord Lovegood's home just before Christmas noted that Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, had been seen with Lord Lovegood's daughter Luna, beneficial owner of scandalous magazine '_ The Quibbler _', on several social occasions. I can let you know, dear readers, that this is an understatement. I have learned that Mr. Potter is in fact the intimate friend of Ms. Lovegood, and they have been together for months. He was enjoying a special rendezvous with the young girl at the time of the attack, although the two sweethearts got a far less pleasant workout than they were hoping for._

_Sources are wondering whether Lord Lovegood will insist on an immediate wedding between the two lovebirds, or will allow them to wait for a more fashionable spring wedding._

_Longtime readers may remember the name Hermione Granger. Ms. Granger was Mr. Potter's paramour during the Triwizard Tournament of two years ago, over whom he engaged in a heated rivalry with Bulgarian Quidditch hero Victor Krum. Sources say that Ms. Granger was driven to despair by Mr. Potter's relationship with Ms. Lovegood, and has found solace in the arms of Ronald Weasley, son of MMLC Arthur Weasley. It remains to be seen how long the upwardly-mobile Ms. Granger will remain with Mr. Weasley. Who will be the next notch on Ms. Granger's bedpost?_

* * *

From the _Inner Temple Magical Weekly_ , January 20, 1997

**Who's Suing Whom**

England and Wales

_..._

Ms. Hermione Granger, by her guardian-ad-litem Dr. Theodore Granger, and Mr. Ronald Weasley, by his guardian-ad-litem Molly Weasley, are suing Rita Skeeter and the _New Daily Prophet_ for libel, defamation and loss of reputation, for an article printed January 2 of this year. In the Notice of Libel, Ms. Granger claims the article was part of an ongoing campaign against her by Ms. Skeeter.

Lord Lovegood, Minister of Special, Magical, and Paranormal Matters has called for a retraction of the second paragraph of the article in question, and has informed Ms. Skeeter if it is not retracted by January 23, 1997, he will sue for libel.

Oddly, Mr. Harry Potter and Ms. Luna Lovegood have made no comments on the article personally or through any litigation guardians.

* * *

_January 20, 1997_

_To: Sirius Black_ _c/o Abbey Road Studios_ _London_

_Hi Sirius,_

_Thanks for the letter. I'm enjoying being back at Hogwarts, although I could do without the extra attention. It's worse than before. At least Malfoy is avoiding me. He's apparently been very subdued since his father was attained._

_The Fender Magicaster you gave me for Christmas is awesome. Luna likes hearing me attempt to play it, but I've gotten several dirty looks from my housemates. I've been trying to learn "Black Dog" by Led Zeppelin in tribute to you, but other than Dean Thomas, no one here likes Zep. Must be the magical-nonmagical divide._

_I won't be needing you to act as my litigation guardian. I'm not suing Skeeter. The parts of her article dealing with me were unfortunately largely accurate, although anything involving Hermione is not, hence her lawsuit._

_Mr. Lovegood is not, by the way insisting we get married, so that part of the article is inaccurate. I was rather hoping he would hex me into oblivion for a while there! What an embarassing way for my girlfriend's father to learn we were lovers as well. He knew we were together, of course, but I didn't need for it to be thrown in his face like that._

_One more thing to get revenge on Lord Dingus for, I guess!_

_Mad-Eye would be proud of me, though. Even while Luna and I were "occupied", we were CONSTANTLY VIGILANT! Riddle's gang wasn't too happy about that, though, and I don't recommend firing hexes at murderers when you're starkers._

_Other than Death Eater attacks, angry mentors who have military forces at their command, and Philistine roomies who don't like the classics, things are fine. I heard the new single on WWN – I think it's your best yet._

_Love,_

_Harry_

* * *

From _The Guardian_ , May 3, 1997

**SHUFFLE SHOCKER**

The newly appointed Prime Minister, Mr. Antony Blair, has retained in the new cabinet the Minister Without Portfolio, Lord Lovegood. Lord Lovegood, who was called to the Lords and appointed to Cabinet last year by the outgoing Major government, which was defeated in Thursday's general election, is said to be a nonpartisan expert on what are described as "special matters", and Mr. Blair said it was essential to retain his judgement in the new government. Inside sources on the left of the Labour Party, however, state that certain elements of the Labour Party upset with Mr. Blair's vaunted "Third Way" and "New Labour" positions, described Lord Lovegood as a "demented Tory hack", and said it simply showed how bad things had got in the party since what they describe as the halcyon days of Michael Foot.

* * *

_July 24, 1997_

_To: Harry Potter_ _c/o Luna Lovegood_ _Lovegood Cottage_ _Ottery St. Catchpole, Devonshire_

_From: Lord Lovegood of Ottery St. Catchpole_ _Minister of Special, Magical, and Paranormal Matters and Minister Without Portfolio_ _Whitehall, London_

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_The Ministry would like to congratulate you on your imminent majority next week, and formally invite you into the Royal Special Matters Operations Corps Reserve. If you accept, you will need to train with us four weeks in summer and one weekend a month, and may be called for special operations or events. Depending on your performance, we may invite you to join the Regular Corps upon your graduations from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry next June._

_With warmest regards,_

_Lord Lovegood._

_P.S. Sorry for the formality, Harry, but these things have to be done a certain way. Don't want to upset the Wrackspurts, after all. I know you're treating Luna as she deserves to be treated, so I don't need to remind you of the vast array of special forces at my disposal. Forces I hope you join._

_See you at the Burrow next week. Have a happy birthday, and I may sent you a little something in the floo._

_Xeno_

* * *

_August 4, 1997_

_To: Gabrielle Delacour_ _Beauxbatons Academy of Magic_ _Cagnes-sur-Mer, Alpes-Maritimes_ _French Republic_

_From: Lord Lovegood of Ottery St. Catchpole_ _Minister of Special, Magical, and Paranormal Matters and Minister Without Portfolio_ _Whitehall, London_ _United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland_

_Dear Ms. Delacour,_

_It was a pleasure meeting you at your sister's wedding to Bill Weasley last Friday. I must admit I cannot remember when I met a more charming or delightful young woman. Mr. Harry Potter, who as you know is a friend of my daughter's and something of a protege of mine, has always spoken highly of you, but I think even his high praises have not done you justice._

_After speaking with your father on the matter, I would like to propose that you attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry as an exchange student for the coming year. I know you will have to give up the beauty of Beauxbatons, and the wonders of French cuisine, to do so, but I can assure you that Hogwarts offers a top-notch education. The various security issues and other issues that plagued the school the last time you were there have been fixed, I can assure you._

_I hope you will consider my offer. One of the things I have tried to do as Minister is improve relations with our friends and allies abroad, especially in your great nation which has helped us so much over the last few years. I think having a bright and lovely young woman such as yourself attend a British school would do wonders to improving the outlook of young British wizards and witches._

_You would be entering Hogwarts as a first year student, and subject to the Sorting, but I assure you it is not scary, and whichever house you end up in you will make lifelong friends. My daughter Luna, who you met at the wedding, is a sixth-year student and will be happy to help you in any way she can._

_With warmest regards,_

_Xenophilius Lovegood_

_P.S. Your father told me you liked my yellow robes I wore to the wedding. Not the usual attire for a government minister, I admit, but I've always thought that sunny robes bring happiness and joy to the start of a marriage, and I was attending as a family friend rather than a functionary. I'm glad you liked them._

* * *

_February 15, 1998_

_To: Luna Lovegood_ _Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy_ _Hogsmeade, Scotland_

_Dear Luna,_

_Looks like I won't be coming back from my training weekend quite yet. I'm sure your father has told you._

_I'm sorry I'll be missing your 17th birthday on Thursday – I had some wonderful plans. We'll celebrate when I'm back._

_I miss you every hours I'm away from you, but hopefully this will all be over soon._

_Love you and stay safe._

_Love,_

_Harry_

* * *

_February 21, 1998_

_To: Molly Weasely_ _The Quibbler_ _Ottery St. Catchpole, Devonshire_

_Dear Molly,_

_Thank you for the birthday gift – it was lovely, and is the coziest sweater I own._

_Even though my shares in_ The Quibbler _are now in my name, I would like you to stay on as editor. I won't be able to do anything until I graduate, and I still need to learn the trade._

_I may want to submit stories from time to time though._

_Everyone here sends their love to you._

_Luna_

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , March 20, 1998, Special edition

**RIDDLE DEAD IN RSMOC TAKEDOWN**

**105 Riddle Henchmen, 12 RSMOC Agents among dead after fierce fighting**

**...**

_**EMERGENCY POWERS (SPECIAL MATTERS) ACT** _ **NO LONGER IN FORCE**

* * *

From the _Daily Mail_ , March 21, 1998

**MASSIVE EXPLOSION IN INNER HEBRIDES**

**Residents fear for Property Values**

* * *

From the _Weekly World News,_ March 24, 1998

**WIZARDS BATTLE IN SCOTLAND!**

**NESSIE UNHURT!**

* * *

From _The Quibbler_ , Special edition, March 24, 1998

**NOW IT CAN BE TOLD: POTTER SPEAKS!**

**The true story of the famous victory in the Inner Hebrides**

Special to _The Quibbler_ by Luna Lovegood

In an exclusive interview with this reporter, friend of _The Quibbler_ Harry Potter, the famous Boy-Who-Lived, tells all about last week's famous daylight takedown of the terrorist Tom Riddle.

LUNA LOVEGOOD: In the interests of full discloure, I should confirm on the record that we are involved romantically, and my father is the Minister of Special, Magical and Paranormal Matters.

HARRY POTTER: I'm sure longtime readers are aware of that.

LL: So what can you tell us about the battle? Who was involved in it?

HP: There was a force of some 80 RSMOC agents, in addition to small squads provided by our goblin and elvish friends.

LL: I understand that magical creatures were involved as well.

HP: Yes, two dozen of us rode thestrals into the attack, and a squad of Heliopaths that remained from Cornelius Fudge's tenure atop the former Ministry were involved as well. We unleashed Wrackspurts upon the enemy to confuse them and "fuzzy their brains". We also had artillery support from the Royal Navy, who were unaware of the true nature of the operation, and thought it was a live-fire training exercise.

LL: They say you personally took down Riddle.

HP: That's true, although I wouldn't have been able to without the whole team. Riddle believed he had to kill me personally. He believed in a prophecy which said one of us must kill the other, and I would win with a power the "Dark Lord knew not".

LL: Was that true? And if so, what was the power?

HP: It was. Riddle was killed not by my wand, or spells or hexes, but by being trampled by a heard of creatures at my command.

LL: What creatures?

HP: Crumple-Horned Snorkacks.

...

* * *

From the private diary of Albus Dumbledore

_March 25, 1998_

Snorkacks? Perhaps I should have retired years before.

* * *

From the _London Gazette_ , June 5, 1998

**QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY HONOURS LIST**

**...**

Lord Lovegood of Ottery St. Catchpole – Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, for services in Special Matters to the Realm

...

Harry James Potter – Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter – for recent heroic services in Special Matters, ensuring the safety of the Realm and all its people

...

* * *

From the _Magical Gazette_ , June 5, 1998

**QUEEN'S BIRTHDAY HONOURS**

**Lord Lovegood, Harry Potter awarded Order of Merlin, 1st Class**

**Harry Potter also made (nonmagical) Knight of the Garter**

* * *

From _HELLO!_ , June 15, 1998

**IT COUPLE SIR HARRY AND MISS LOVEGOOD AT PLAY IN LONDON**

HELLO! Brings you pictures of Britain's newest "it couple", Sir Harry Potter, KG, and his longtime lady love, Luna Lovegood, the magazine owner and daughter of Minister Without Portfolio, Lord Phil Lovegood, OBE. Sir Harry and Luna were out on the town in London, enjoying the shopping in our swinging capital. HELLO! asks, watching these two lovebird, can wedding bells be far behind?

* * *

From _Witch Weekly_ , July 4, 1998

**LUNA LOVEGOOD TALKS TO WW!**

**We see what Sir Harry's Main Squeeze has to tell young witches**

**Inside: Fruity Fashion – Luna L. talks about her taste in jewelry**

* * *

_July 15, 1998_

_To: Clarenceux King of Arms_ _College of Arms_ _London_

_From: Garter Principal King of Arms_ _College of Arms_ _London_

_Blazon of Sir Harry James Potter, KG:_

_Arms: Gules a Snorkack [see below] rampant or, armed azure_

_Supporters: Dexter, a Nargle [see below] rampant or; Sinister, an owl rampant guardant argent_

_Personal Note:_

_David, see the attached for description of a "Nargle" and "Snorkack". Some newfangled heraldic beasts, I gather. I tried to suggest a nice simple griffon or yale, but Sir Harry would have none of it, and I got a tersely worded note from the Palace suggesting that I agree to the new beasts. So no arguing – I've tried already._

_On another note, I am informed by Lord Lovegood that we should prepare an impalement of Sir Harry's arms with that of Lord Lovegood (lozengy azure and or, over all a waxing crescent moon argent fimbriated sable) differenced by a label. Lord Lovegood says Sir Harry's happy day is scheduled for October 24, 1998._

_John_

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> _(Author's Note: Thanks to anyone who made it through this. Apologies for the self-indulgence, but I had to write it, it wouldn't let me **not** do so. I'm not familiar with the criminal law of England and Wales, but I am with that of Canada, and we got our crimes of alarming Her Majesty, spreading false news (which has been ruled unconstitutional here), and unlawful drilling (training of troops) from them. No idea if they still existed in 1996-1998 in England._
> 
> _I also apologize for the reference to P'Lod (for those not in the know, see wikipedia_ _). In a fic with a heavy empasis on Xeno Lovegood, I felt he was a natural fit._
> 
> _\- Arpad Hrunta )_


End file.
